Racial justice requires conscious action, and in a high pressure moment, people easily slip into unconscious action. In a moment when Black Lives Matter is the dominant media narrative and communities are talking about police abolition, I have a flurry of texts, phone calls, and emails from white friends and colleagues. They all sent me messages of care, but most of them missed a crucial step - rooting in relationship.
Here are some tips for BIPOC and white people to root in relationship and thrive in whirlwind moments.
If you are trying to be an ally or an accomplice to anyone, I invite you to reflect on your relationship with a person before you jump to be an ally or accomplice. Think about how do you usually connect with this person.
For example, one of the people who reached out to me said “Hey. Here are a couple things I can offer to support you: I could write you a note, send you a song, or I could do nothing because responding to this email may be too much.” All of these options were rooted in our relationship, because we usually communicate in writing or music.
Offers for support that are rooted in relationship can build up energy, because the they are centered in a spirit witness: “I see you. I’ve been seeing you. And I will continue to show up for you.” We can make change happen when we remember our relationships the people at our sides who are here to help us.
For those of us who have experiences in societal systems where we're used to being the ones pushed down, the ones shrank, the ones ignored, the ones who often hear, “Oh, I forgot you." For those of us who live in that part of societal systems, I
want to invite us to remember to anchor into our values, into what matters to us. In moments of high chaos, we can get pulled into many different directions and get lost in the flurry.
One practice I offer is a simple daily practice. At the beginning of the day just sketch out two, three, maybe five goals for yourself that are not limited to your work. Add goals that express the values that you want to focus on in the day. Then at the end of the day go back to this goal list, and see what feels good that you achieved.
When you’re flooded with external expectations, you don't have to go into a shame spiral for not doing what people want. Returning to your values is part of dismantling an unjust system. The goals you, set can remind you of your divinity, your power, your grace, your wonderfulness.
I invite each of us who knows the experience of being oppressed, of being shrank, of being part of a social structure that we disagree with to make choices daily about how are we showing up for ourselves, our values, and the change work that we believe is possible.