When you are supporting someone to learn about themselves, there are external signals that can help you know what needs attention. External signals include when someone verbally says yes while they shake their head no, or when someone’s shoulders tighten as they speak about a topic. But did you know that clothing can be an external signal about an internal need?
A young organizer came to me for coaching, and during our sessions she would share information that she felt like she couldn’t share at work. Coaching can be a place of release, but this seemed like something deeper. She said she didn’t feel like she could express herself fully and be heard, so I looked for external signals to figure out how to proceed.
This organizer was always wearing a scarf around her neck, but I noticed that when she would get flustered while trying to express herself she would fiddle with her scarf. So one day, I asked her about it.
Me: “I hear you talking about how you can’t fully express yourself at work. Do you notice that when you want to share fully during these sessions you move your scarf around?”
Her: “Well I guess it does happen sometimes here and at work.”
Me: “Might you want to try speaking without your scarf covering your neck?”
She quickly shed the scarf and the tone of her voice immediately changed. She spoke with a passion and clarity I had yet to hear from her. After that session she decided to practice taking off her scarf to support her free expression, and she reported feeling more free in her speech at work and in her daily life.
Now this attention to clothing comes from the world of theatrical clown. A clown usually reflects parts of a performer that they rarely show to the world, and in being a clown, performers are asked to vulnerably show what they hide from the world. In support of their full expression, the clown's costume is used to amplify central characteristics of a clown, highlighting the parts that the performer may usually hide.
Your clothing can reflect the parts of you that you usually share with the world. What’s an aspect of you that you want to share more with the world? How might you highlight it with your clothing?
Think about it like a superhero costume, something that you put on to help you live into your full range of ability. I have my white clothes that remind me to carry the attention of a healer into my facilitation. A colleague uses glitter to remind them of the sparkle they can bring to a group. What’s the power you want to highlight today?