When you love what your doing other people can feel your passion when they interact with you. This kind of love draws people in because it’s the work you’re here to do. I’m writing about the work that excites you when you wake up, the actions that you dream about doing, and the passion projects that you feel just one step away from pursuing fully.
When I had a job in the LGBTQ movement, I was excited about my daily tasks and formal work. But I loved the conversations I would have with students because I could see the talks transform the trajectory of student's lives. Now these conversations weren’t a part of my job description, but I carved out time in my day to make sure I was doing them.
Then in an annual review, I got feedback that I needed to sit at my desk more and have fewer conversations around campus. I felt angry and deflated, because my conversations were creating changes among students, faculty, and staff, however because of how my position was funded, it was important for me to be visibly sitting in the LGBTQ center.
I felt deflated because if I did the work that I loved I could lose the funding for my job. After vacillating back and forth about the right thing to do, I started looking for a third path forward.
I ended up designing new programs that brought students and allies to me in the LGBTQ Center, where I could have conversations and be visible to passersby. This ended up increasing our credibility and funding, while strengthening our efforts to make change.
Looking for a third way can help you get unstuck from feeling like there is no good answer. When facilitating conflicts, I actually look for polarities where things get stuck between two sides, because once the polarity is clear, a third voice that can help people move forward is likely to emerge. You just need to be willing to listen for it.
I find third ways often have benefits that I didn’t expect. For my situation at the LGBTQ Center, I started thinking more strategically about why I would leave my desk. And the main reason became building networks of support for communities who didn’t feel safe coming to the LGBTQ Center. These networks had to last without my consistent presence, so I got more efficient at helping people feel connected with each other.
What’s a bind you find yourself in? Take a second to get both sides of the conundrum clear. Now give yourself a little compassion for finding yourself in that space and ask what else might be possible? This is the beginning of finding a third way.