I don’t know her full story, and I love myself enough not to seek it out. Witnessing her in her human complexity, a white woman who survived through patriarchy.

She is trying to survive at the good old boys club of an institution that was never designed to hold her experience. Racism and sexism were tools of the institution before she came and reinforced them, and now she cannot see how her survival strategies hurt others.

I can accept where she is and work around her.

As BIPOC people in multiracial organizations, there are many barriers to thriving in your work - systems set up to benefit wealthy white men, extra scrutiny on your every move, and unconscious racial bias and hostility. To work in a multiracial organization is to traverse a mine field, where you never fully know who might explode at you or why. You can travel the same path with someone twice, the first time unharmed and the second time you emerge bruised and exhausted.

To thrive in an organization where your voice is ignored or discredited requires an ability to love yourself across time. To love your past self that led you to a situation where you’ve been hurt. To love your future self who has learned new skills from difficult experiences and does not accept every injustice. To love your present self enough to see the choices before you.

Because there’s a choice: to challenge a barrier before you or to accept a barrier as something that can be worked around. One must begin by remembering the choice. Strong strategy is built on choices about where to focus energy.

No choice or strategy is perfect. Embracing imperfection allows love to flow through your complexity and challenges white supremacy culture. What is the imperfect choice you want to make today to love yourself?