I forgive myself for the ways I don’t feel Black enough.
I forgive myself for the moments I gave white supremacy a pass.
I forgive myself for the ways my existence in this racist system helps prop it up.
To be a BIPOC person in a predominately white organization is to live in tension. Your existence is both a challenge to the white domination and an excuse that the organization is already doing enough to challenge racism.
But other people’s expectations do not have to decide how you move forward. They will want you to read the right books, to know the right words to say, to tell the fmily reunion stories the way they remember them, and to be quiet when they want you to listen.
You walk in a lineage of survivors, who have been surrounded by a legion of critique. This bind has held many forms from house slaves to President Barack Obama.
Release any responsibility to change history, and choose how you want to live in history’s wake. Forgiveness is a practice of letting go, of releasing that which does not serve us, so that we can tend to what’s important in our lives.
I forgive myself for all the ways I did not push for change.
I forgive myself for the ways I did push for change that did not come.
I forgive myself for not being who they want me to be.
I forgive myself for not always being who I want me to be.
I wish for you the freedom of choice. To choose what work you want to take on — and just existing in some organizations may be enough work. Define what is your work — challenging racism may be a part of it, but racism is a broken system that you alone are not responsible for fixing.
To thrive as a BIPOC person in a multiracial organization, requires an ability to forgive oneself for being stuck in the bind. You will never be enough for all white people. You will never be enough for all BIPOC people. So what would it look like to be enough for yourself?